Milcah Halili

About Milcah Halili

In a Scion on the way from SFO, Milcah Halili and interviewer Antonia Crane met for the first time. A small candle flickered between them, initially making Crane uneasy, but Milcah’s gentleness quickly put her at ease. Crane had pictured a punkish hipster with black hair, boots, and exposed knees, someone who might furtively smoke cigarettes while directing her lens at the uncontrollable, much like a surfer’s love for the ocean or a filmmaker’s for light. Instead, Milcah, who was younger than expected, offered a smile revealing braces and a cascade of thick, naturally black hair framing her face. Unlike many, she didn’t fuss with it. Milcah's livelihood involves filming herself masturbating online for payment. Over pink beet soup at a vegan cafe, they discussed her work. At twenty-two, Milcah’s age mirrors Crane’s own when she began stripping in the 90s. Crane reminisced about glamorous dancers in expensive lingerie and the voyeuristic atmosphere of strip clubs. Web camming, Crane suggests, seems a fitting pursuit for a feminist sex worker today, offering autonomy without the need for agents or managers. Milcah directs, films, and selects her own music in her private space. Contrary to the assumption that women entering sex work are damaged and seeking validation, Crane acknowledges Stephen Elliott’s observation that “Sex work is not the abusive home.” The prevailing notion of sex workers as inherently sad or abused is, Crane argues, a sexist perspective akin to Lacanian lack. Milcah’s upbringing, though marked by hardship, has been transmuted into art through her warmth and lack of bitterness, echoing Joan Didion’s quote about Georgia O’Keefe: "It is what I have done with where I have been that should be of interest." Witnessing Milcah camming, a single candle illuminating her room, Crane perceived not lack, but wholeness.

The Rumpus: You use your real name, Milcah Halili, unlike most sex workers. Why? What are your thoughts on your family discovering your profession?

Milcah Orbacedo: My full name is Milcah Halili Orbacedo. Milcah Halili, a name signifying “Queen Beloved,” is my mother’s maiden name, a woman my father molested in front of me and later raped in private. She was a strong, loving, yet comically severe figure. Milcah Orbacedo, my writerly name, is also my father’s name, a Philippine-born journalist, businessman, and eloquent charmer. My name is profoundly important to me. Despite the pain they’ve inflicted, I love my parents deeply and wish to honor them by creating a new legacy for their name. It represents my roots, and I respect my past. My pride in my name prevents me from pretending to be